Two Months

Dear Lachlan,

You're two months old today! I feel like just last week I was taking your one month photos and writing my monthly blog update. How time flies.

We've had a busy month. I suppose the thing that stands out most is your first plane ride and first trip outside of the country! We flew to Canada on March 15th and came back home on March 22. We flew from Denver to Montreal and Montreal to Halifax. When we arrived in Montreal, we were supposed to fly to Toronto and then to Halifax, but a nice Frenchman saw that you were with us and changed our flight so that we did not have to take two more flights to get to Halifax. What a nice guy! You did amazingly well on the way to Montreal and slept the entire way from Montreal to Halifax. I was really nervous about the whole flight experience, but it was better than expected. We flew from Halifax to Newark and Newark to Denver. The flight from Halifax to Newark went well, it was nice and short. We didn't have much time in Newark before our long flight to Denver. The flight from Newark to Denver was just over 4 hours. There were a few moments where you were getting restless (but so were mom and dad), but other than that, it was a good experience as well.

While we were in Canada you met your grampie, uncle Tim, aunt Jordyn, your great aunts and great grandmother. It was a great trip. We had you sleeping in a pack and play and you didn't enjoy that too much so you ended up with us in the morning. We tried keeping you on the same time schedule as we have here in Denver so you went to bed late, around 11-12 and woke up around 9 or 10a. You stayed with grammie and grampie a couple times while we ran errands or went out. When we went out to have a couple drinks and see a band play, I thought about you every 5 minutes and felt like a part of me was missing. I know it is good for me to get used to spending time away from you since I am returning to work in *gulp* 3 weeks.

Speaking of which, we found a daycare for you. I had been stressing out over finding someone wonderful for you. Every person we met rubbed me the wrong way and I shed more than a couple tears at the thought of leaving you (I still do), but I feel somewhat ok with leaving you with Sharon. She is a grandma and her husband is retired so they're both there during the day. They're a licensed daycare and live out in Westminster so we're going to have a bit of a commute, but it is worth it. We figured we were either going to sacrifice a good commute or good care and obviously we'd rather have great care and a not so great commute. I think since I return to work on a Tuesday, I am going to take you for a half day on Monday so that I am not as much of a wreck on my first day back (even though I know I still will).

As far as your changes this month, you have quite a few! First, you have eyebrows and eyelashes now and you were lucky to get your dad's eyelashes.. feminine and long! We haven't figured out if you have my or dad's eyebrows, but I am hoping for dad's as mine can be a little ridiculous when they're not plucked.. and I would imagine that plucking won't be on your daily routine! As well, your head strength has increased quite a bit. When your head tips, you are able to pull it back up straight and when we burp you, unless you're tired and way to lay your head down, you keep your head up and look around. You still hate tummy time and have only rolled over a couple times since your amazing accomplishment at 3.5 weeks. When we put you on your tummy, you whine and eventually cry. I worry that we don't do enough tummy time but you'll start to enjoy it when you're ready. You've also starting imitating us. We can look at you and go "oooh" and you will smile and repeat the sound. We can do this for 5 or more minutes and its ridiculously cute! Your favorite thing is your musical star that is on your play mat. Pretty much without fail, it can make you smile (and laugh - without sound!) and calm you when you're upset. We were sure to take it with us to Canada. The way you dance to the music makes us think that you're going to be a music lover and a musician. This wouldn't be surprising! You love your swing as well and can be completely content hanging out in there and more times than not, it puts you to sleep. One really neat thing is how you follow objects and people with your eyes. If someone is on your left side and walks around to the right side, you will follow them with your eyes.

We started you on a medicine for reflux. We're not sure whether or not it is even helping but we may give a little while longer. It tastes like crap but you don't really seem to mind. You have your 2 month appointment on Monday where you get your first round of vaccinations (I am terrified) so we will probably address the whole reflux thing there. We need to figure out something for your gas as it seems to really bother you. :(

When we arrived home from Canada, we started your cloth diapers. We bought some one size diapers with the money we received from great aunt Mary Ellen, great grandma (Nanny) and grammie and grampie to buy them. I am still mixed on the whole cloth diapering thing. It sure is a lot more convenient to use disposables but not feeling gel in your diaper when you are wet is nice. As well, knowing that we are being "green" helps as well. The daycare won't use cloth so you'll be wearing disposables during the week while you're at daycare. Some of the prints of the diapers are super cute!

Just you and I are headed to Iowa this coming week. I am pretty nervous about being a "single mom" for just short of a week and flying alone with you. But, I am sure that you will be wonderful and easy on me! I am excited for you to meet your uncle Jeremy and your great grandma.

During your first month, I would get really sad when thinking about you getting bigger and older. While I do enjoy you being small and young, I am starting to be able to look forward to your growth and developments. I realize now that I have so much time to spend with you and it makes me to grateful. I am so excited to see the person you grow up to be. You add so much happiness and warmth to our lives and I am so glad that you're mine and I get to see everything that you are and become. I am so lucky to be your mommy and have you as my son. The amount of love I have for you is indescribable. I did not have the slightest clue on how great it would feel being a mommy and the level of love and gratefulness that I would feel. While I will enjoy every minute that I have with you and enjoy you as a small little guy, I look forward to our future together and watching you grow and explore the life you have. You're seriously a special little guy and I couldn't ask for a more wonderful person to be my son.

xo,

mommy

6 weeks, getting jiggy wit'it

6 weeks!

I cant believe that Lachlan is already 6 weeks old! Its amazing how much he has grown - even just in the last two weeks.

Around 3-4 weeks he started having violent crying fits where he would lose his voice and sound like a motor going bad. We took him in about a week and a half ago because he had some yellow/green discharge from his eye and it was swollen and red. It turns out that he had an eye infection so we got some ointment and treated that. While we were at the doctor, he had one of his crying fits and the doctor mentioned "colic" one too many times for comfort. She asked us about his fits and I talked about his issues with his stomach - painful burping and diarrhea and she suggested that we switch him to Isomil formula.

We put him on the soy formula and it seemed to help right off the bat. Fast forward a few days and he started having a lot of issues going to the bathroom. He would push and push (going red in the face and crying) and nothing would come out. Eventually, he pushed out a small hard turd. Then he started puking as well and spitting up quite a bit of formula after each feeding. Poor little guy. So, we took him back to the doctor to address the "colic", his constipation and the spitting up/puking. The doctor that we normally see suggested that we take him off the soy formula and try Nutramigen. He said that we should see a drastic change within 48 hours and if not, to discontinue use, go back to the Similac Sensitive and fill an rx for acid reflux. So, we are at the 48 hour mark and while has improved somewhat we dont think that it is a drastic enough change so we are going to go back to the Similac Sensitive. We're really hoping he can stay on the Similac because the Nutramigen is SO expensive, like, it would cost us over $100 a week. Uhm, we can't afford that. So, we will see how it goes with the Sensitive formula and his rx for reflux. I just want him to be happy and to feel ok. It breaks my heart so bad when he arches his back and shoots his stiff legs out in pain. Most of the time I break down and cry. I just feel like such a failure when I can't do anything to console him or make him feel better. He weighed 8lbs 12oz at his visit.. almost 9 pounds but not quite there.. a couple more pounds and he should be able to fit into his one size cloth diapers.

I had my 6 week checkup the other day and also got my IUD in (no more babies for me for awhile!). During my visit they were asking me about breastfeeding. I informed her how I stopped breastfeeding because my supply just kept decreasing and decreasing and he would pull off not wanting to eat.. I knew this would happen eventually but it was pretty heartbreaking when it happened. She asked how I felt about discontinuing the breastfeeding and I broke down crying. I guess maybe I just didn't have any kind of closure with it and part of me feels like he needs it/wants it/misses it.. but I know that he doesn't know the difference of getting it or not. But, it still hurts. I wanted to breastfeed so bad and I feel so defeated and feel like I gave up and maybe I could have done something else to make it happen. My midwife assured me that there was likely nothing else that I could've done and that I tried my best. She suggested that perhaps I could just let him suckle and be a human pacifier. She said that it could provide comfort for both of us and that it may give me the appropriate closure. So, I may try that. She also suggested maybe I go to a support group to get the support that I need.

One other issue that I am really struggling with is my body. I got SO many stretch marks during pregnancy. I wish I was exaggerating when I said that it looks like a tiger attacked my stomach and scratched it. But, its true. In addition, I have the fat pouch that hangs there. I guess I thought the weight would come off easier and I would be able to fit into my prepregnancy pants by now. But, truth is, I am still wearing maternity clothes. I have always struggled with how I look and have battled with my image. Well, now I would give anything to look like I did before I got pregnant. :( I know that it will likely come off eventually but I will never look like I did before. I have regret not appreciating the body I had. So, maybe that is a sign that I should embrace my body as it is now because it could be worse. My 30th birthday is in July, on the 25th, so my goal is to lose 25 pounds by then.. 25 by the 25th.. has a ring to it, no?! I need to start working out.. even if its just walking a couple or few miles a day. I think it will help my emotional well being as well.. newbowns are stressful.

We're really struggling with finding daycare/care for Lachlan for when I return to work. I swear I have looked since I was about 3 months pregnant. It has become a full time job and I end up empty handed by the end of the day. We have interviewed two different women for his care and the one was a definite no and the other was a maybe. We will likely end up using her. I wish we could find someone closer or on a more convenient commute detour. I am sure something will work out, I just hate the uncertainty.

We leave next week for Canada. I am excited but nervous for the trip. I am just really hoping that he doesn't have one of his fits on the plane. His swing has become our savior. It is one of the only things that can calm him and even that isn't always a guarantee. So, sans swing, I hope we can manage both on the plane and throughout our visit.

Lachlan has discovered his hands and likes to grab onto things - like my shirt while he is eating, or the canopy over his bassinet when you try to take him out. He is also starting to coo and it is super adorable. He is definitely smiling now and will often imitate your facial expressions. He is about out of his newborn sized clothes now. He is a skinny little runt and does not fit into any of his pants in the waist but fits into them length-wise. By the time he fits into his 0-3 month clothes in the waist they will be highwaters!

Enjoy the video of him that I took this afternoon with our new Flip cam :) I will take a lot more videos to share with you guys. I am hoping to find someone to come photograph our family. We can take pictures of each other and of Lachlan but we want someone to photograph all three of us. I want to do it before he gets too big... and well, again once he is big(ger).

Well, I think that about does it. Life is splendid with Lachlan, he really is great even when he is throwing fits. :P