Thursday, December 29, 2011

Eleven Months

Dearest Lachlan,

It saddens me to write this month's blog as it is the last one before you turn one. I have no idea where the time went and I wish more than anything that I could slow time substantially. While it is a bittersweet journey, and even after eleven months of having you in my life, I still struggle immensely with the bitter part included with the sweet.

You struggled the last month with an ongoing ear infection. You ended up being on 3 rounds of antibiotic and we finally got rid of it on the 3rd round. However, we discovered that you are allergic (or likely allergic) to Penicillin. So, you won't be able to take any more until you are 4 and we are able to test you for specific allergies. So until then, you will be Penicillin free. I was so relieved to hear that you were ear infection free as I was worried that you would end up with tubes. While they're not the end of the world by any means, a mother still doesn't want to see her child go through any kind of pain.

Since the ear infection has gone away, you've become quite the vocal little guy. I had my suspicion that the ear infection went away because it seemed like over night you started saying more words and you started screaming (friendly and not so friendly screams) pretty often. As well, the laughs increased. You mimic a lot of sounds now and we are pretty sure you know who mama is and know who dada is. You will say "mamamamama" while crawling to me and you will point to daddy and say "dadadada". While we've been signing "all done" since you were very young, you have your own sign for "all done" where you open your mouth and make a fist, putting your hand in and out of your mouth. I believe that you're starting to say "up" and you're very vocal when you do not like something or you're not getting your way.

One of the greatest things of the last month is how much of a cuddler you've become. While you started being a cuddler right before your 10 month mark, it doesn't compare to how much you like giving hugs now. You squeeze around our necks so tight and you will stop playing to come over and give a hug. The wait was so worth it. You like giving random kisses as well and generally like being held and close to us more than ever before. I can only hope that it keeps getting better. You like giving the dogs and cats hugs and your stuffed animals as well.

You're an independent little guy and you like playing on your own. You're very into moving large objects around the house (still) which often involves turning wheels or turning the object around to maneuver it in a way where it goes in a favorable direction. You're very smart in that way. You like throwing objects behind your head and you like pushing objects across the floor - you almost use your fist like a hockey stick... future hockey player? I think so. You're starting to like books and are able to sit for a max of 1 minute looking at a book. Most of all, you like opening and closing the book saying all done.

You had your first Christmas experience this month. We were very excited for Christmas and excited for your excitement. Little did we know that there would be absolutely no excitement on your part! You were very over the whole Christmas and wrapping paper thing within about 2 minutes. You were more into the Christmas balloon (you're obsessed with balloons this month) and with the cheap toothbrush that was in your stocking. Wish I would've known that $5 presents were the way to go! Your big present was a red wagon from Santa. You also got a couple stuffed animals, some musical instruments, books, little people farm, some dishes and lots of other random items! You had a very good first Christmas (that you're not even aware of!) thanks to wonderful friends and family. Next year will be better, but I am fine with next Christmas taking a lifetime to get here. It's crazy to think that this time last year I was rubbing my belly with all the questions of what life will be like at next year's Christmas; our first one with you.

You're getting close to walking but taking your time, which is perfectly fine with me. You're an expert at standing and have even gone from being in the middle of the room, holding on to nothing and gone from sitting to standing. You can likely stand for minutes at a time and can dance while standing. You walk along furniture with one hand and you've taken 2 steps without falling. One time you took 2-3 steps and stopped, continuing to stand before you sat down. You're getting very good at using your leg strength.

You love all foods and prefer vegetables over meat. You love scrambled eggs and bananas most (still). You like feeding yourself and like chewing part of your food, taking it out of your mouth, inspecting it and then putting it back in your mouth to swallow! You're a very curious guy.

I'll save the sappy paragraph and put all those thoughts in the blog I have started about what I've realized in my first year of motherhood. I will post it closer to your first birthday. Just know that I love you so very much and if I could save these moments and pause time forever, I would.



Saturday, December 10, 2011

You met Santa

Well, you met Santa this weekend and were anything but thrilled by his moustache, beard and overall appearance. Didn't take you long to cry, and of course, as soon as we took you off his lap, you were as happy as a clam.

So, the result is above. We may try once more this year. If not, we have many more years of Santa meetings!


Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Ten Months

Dear Lachlan,

I am a few days late updating once again, but this last time we were in Canada and didn't have your monthly stickers to take your picture. Better late than never.

Here we are, less than two months until you're considered a toddler and not a baby. I'm getting better with dealing with that. It's still difficult and I get a little saddened seeing others having babies or just seeing babies out in public. Don't get me wrong, I love seeing you develop and grow into a sweet little boy, it's just bittersweet. I don't think that I really ever experienced anything so "bittersweet" in my life as I have with having you and having you grow so fast before my eyes.

You had your first ear infection this last month and went on an antibiotic. Because we were flying to Canada, we went in for your recheck a little earlier than normal and they were a little concerned that it hadn't completely cleared up yet so we have you on another round of antibiotic (different kind) and you'll be done with that tomorrow. I hope that on your recheck Monday it is all cleared up. You didn't run a fever, were just a little crankier than normal and were waking a lot during the night. I guess my mother's instinct works after all. :)

Your crawling has gotten better and you're quick to turn from one direction to another and can get up on to your knees to do knee standing. A couple times you've leaned forward on something (likely me) and put your feet down and stood to your feet without pulling yourself up! You did that for the first time last week while we were in Canada. You continue to pull yourself up on things and have less of a crash when you let go; but rather letting yourself down slowly. You've discovered the cupboards and like to open and close them, occasionally taking out Tupperware and pretend to drink from it. You're very much obsessed with doors - open and close, open and close. You laugh when you close the door and we open it to see you. Thus far, you've only had minor fingers in the doors. It scares me every time you play with doors, but I know that you're learning and discovering so I just keep an extra eye out.

Your bottom teeth are fully through and I believe your top are on their way in. When you were at the doctor she looked and said the area is pretty swollen. This is in addition to the excessive drooling that you've been doing lately and hitting your fist off your mouth likely saying that it hurts. I think I would be perfectly fine with you always being a baby and only ever having your bottom two teeth!

You're making more sounds and have your own world of words. When we ask where daddy is, you look at him. When we ask where the doggies are, you look at them. But, I dont think you know who/what mommy is. We will work on it! I was hoping by now you'd be signing some things but so far you just show that you understand some by reacting when I sign. You're laughing a lot more and do a lot of fake laughing and coughing. You do a really great job at imitating us and our words and have come super close to repeating "ut oh."

You've started throwing minor temper tantrums this last month but mostly just when you're exhausted. As well, when you're angry or frustrated, you swat at the air (sometimes hitting us) and you glare. You're understanding what "no" means and USUALLY stop doing what you're doing if we tell you not to. I always said that I wouldn't be a mom that says "no" all the time, but it's a lot harder than I thought. It's funny how two months ago daddy and I were talking about how we never say "no" to you and I feel as though we say it 100x a day now. That's an exaggeration but still a little bothersome.

You continue to be a great eater. You like most everything and so far I think the only thing you haven't liked is pickles. Bananas and scrambled eggs continue to be your favorite foods. Im convinced you'd eat an entire bunch of bananas and carton of eggs if we'd let you! You drink a lot of water and get excited when you see us put ice in it.

We traveled to Canada for Thanksgiving last week. I was really, really nervous for the flights and was convinced it was going to be the worst moments of my life. Well, the trip there was close to it. We arrive to the Denver airport at 830am and were to board at 1050. We got on the plane and within a few minutes we smelled smoke and the plane turned around and went back to Denver. Long story short, we left Denver at 445, making that 8 hours at the airport, flew to Toronto, had another delay there (and a meltdown by both you and mama) and finally arrived in Halifax around 4am.. so that made for a 18ish hour travel day. Exhausting! But, we had a great visit and you enjoyed everyone as much as they enjoyed you. Grammie sent you home with some new toys that you really enjoy. You definitely have become quite the little ham and flirt and are not shy by any means. You start people down, which seems to be an initiation process and once they pass your test, they are your new best friend. As always, it was sad saying goodbye. It's sad leaving family and I think one of the saddest things is knowing that you don't know that you won't be seeing the people you're saying goodbye to for quite awhile and you don't know how much time you're missing with the people that love you. It's hard to feel like we're keeping you from your family that loves you so much. You'll be able to see both grandparents for your birthday, which will be great!!

One great thing you've started this month is being a cuddler! You now give hugs and kisses and like to hug your stuffed animals. You wrap your arms and hands around my neck. When laying on us, you will lightly squeeze parts of our body and you will wrap your fingers around us as well. The hugs and kisses are so great and were so worth the 10 months of waiting! I hope it continues and that you become even more of a cuddler. I will continue sucking it up. :)

You're the light of my life, Lachie.



Saturday, October 29, 2011

Nine Months

Dear Lachlan,

I told myself that I wouldn't be a date late on posting your monthly updates. Here I am, three days late. We've been busy, as have you.

You had your nine month check up this last week and I wasn't able to get off work to go so you just went with daddy. I was shocked when he told me that you are now 19lb 5oz, putting you in the 40th percentile and you are 29.25" tall, putting you in the 80th percentile! This is such a change from your six month appointment where you were 16lb .05oz (25th percentile) and 26.25" (45th percentile) tall! You grew exactly 3 inches and gained 3 pounds! You're obviously doing well in the growth department. :) You've grown almost 10 inches and gained about 13lbs since you were born!

You're no longer doing the worm and have mastered the crawl. Your crawl is pretty cute - you barely lift your knees but rather drag them and move your butt back and forth like you're strutting your stuff. Care for some fries with that shake little Lach? When you're really excited, you take off crawling really fast and laugh when daddy crawls and chases you. You continue pulling yourself up on everything getting bumps and bruises quite frequently. One bonus is that most wipe outs do not seem to phase you and you go on your merry way. If you're tired or hungry and have a wipe out, it's likely there will be tears but otherwise, not so much.

After pulling yourself up to standing, you've started letting go of things. I think the most you've ever stood up is probably for about 5-8 seconds, which is awesome! You even do it in the bath tub, which is not so awesome as it gives me a heat attack! Sometimes we wont be paying attention and look over and you're standing, holding on to nothing, smiling at us. Cutest thing ever. You've started moving from object to object while standing. You'll hold on to your little leap frog station and turn and hold on to the ottoman. You're definitely testing your limits and are curious on what you can and cannot do.. which often results in a fall.

Some really exciting news is that you finally have teeth!! I was letting you suck on my finger one day and I noticed something sharp! It was the first sign of tooth #1 which was your bottom right tooth. While that one was breaking through, we noticed the tooth next to it was on its way in as your gums were raised and swollen. Both have broken through but are still on their way up. We have a hard time seeing them but sometimes you give us a gummy enough smile or when you cry and frown we can see them. They are SO cute. You definitely struggled with the pain and it you a little cranky. You had diarrhea when the first one was breaking through and had your first REAL diaper rash. We used wet washcloths rather than wipes and used disposables so we could use cream and it cleared up within 2-3 days. I cant imagine how miserable you must've been feeling with teeth pushing through and a sore bottom!

You're putting more words together and you talk (and whisper) to inanimate objects quite often. You know the meaning when I sign "all done" and you talk back saying "ahhhhh duhhhh!" - which is both amazing and cute. You get quite excited when I sign it to you which I think is partially because its one thing you understand and know what the result of the action is. I've been doing other sign language with you as well; someday you will surprise me and sign back to me. :) You say both "dada" and "mama" with dada x100 more often than mama. While you say them, I don't know that you know that I am mama and daddy is dada. There is more promise that you know daddy is dada, though. You make the "ma" sound when you are upset - go figure! :) When we tell you "no, no" you smile and think it is funny.......... way to be, child!

Two weekends ago we went to the Rock Creek Farm Pumpkin Patch. Your daddy and I have been going there for 7 years! Our wedding photo that everyone signed at our wedding 7 years ago was taken at the very same pumpkin patch. This year was the best year yet. It was the first time that we felt like we were doing a "family outing" and it felt fantastic. You saw some "petting zoo" animals which you weren't too fond of. You seemed to have a great time there and zonked out as soon as we left. I love that tradition of ours and can't wait till you get excited about it, too.

Last weekend we went to your future wife's birthday party. It is hard to believe that Delaney is 1 year already. I was there for her birth and it hardly seems like a year ago. I was obviously pregnant with you at the time and remember seeing my first stretch mark when Janine was in labor. I remember thinking that it was still such a ways away before you were born but it went quick, which only means one thing, your birthday party is going to be here before I know it. I have been planning for a couple months and have some cute ideas. It's all a matter of funding said ideas and implementing said ideas! I hope that it is fabulous. Both of your grandparents are going to be here so it is sure to be a very special day. I was the only one at Delaney's party to cry so I am trying to prepare myself for your party so that I am not a sobbing mess.

You continue to be a very good and happy baby. You only really cry when you get hurt, are super tired and are hungry. You're very independent and play well by yourself. You're STILL not much of a cuddler and don't even really enjoy being held. You're very interested in exploring everything around you and are too busy to slow down and show some love here and there. We're working on the book reading thing but usually as soon as you sit in my lap to read one you either try to get out of my lap right away or you close the book and said "ahhh duhh!" and crawl away. We're working on it.. we're working on it.

You enjoy most every food that we give you. You love meat and seem to have an endless pit of a stomach. I have no idea how you gum/eat steak, but you do! I would say that right now your favorite foods are (baby) oatmeal, scrambled eggs and chicken/steak. You really do love scrambled eggs and beg for them when I eat them for the breakfast.. just like the dogs! You're getting better at getting the food in your mouth rather than missing and having it all end up on your chair. You do well with a sippy cup and can drink fairly well out of a straw. You love ice water. You're down to about 4 bottles a day, one in the morning, one before your morning nap, one before your afternoon nap and one before bed.

Speaking of naps, you're finally getting better but it is still pretty hit or miss. I would say that more often than not, you're taking two naps a day for about an hour each.. but that varies. Today for example, you took an hour long nap in the morning and a 2 1/2 hour nap in the afternoon and crashed around 7:45p. You've been pushing your bedtime back and are usually asleep between 7:25 and 8:10.... but you still wake up way too early for my liking! We don't have much of a choice for schedule since we leave for daycare between 7:15 and 7:30.

Around the American Thanksgiving this year, we are headed to Canada. I am NOT looking forward to the plane ride. We had great luck traveling there last time but you were also 7 weeks old and slept most of the time. But now? You are SO busy. You have a hard time sitting still for more than 10 seconds. I am hoping that bottles, Cheerios (oh yes, you love Cheerios also), keys and random treats and toys keep you occupied for the 7ish hours we will be on a plane. I may have to open the exit door and jump out mid-flight!

I would say that I have more good days than bad with dealing with you getting old and being a working mom. However, when my days are bad, they're bad. While I love seeing you grow and develop and love you at the age you are, I miss the baby Lachlan. I know you're technically still a baby.. but the baby that depended on me more. It's bittersweet, it really is. We were driving home this evening and you were giving me your paci and putting in my mouth which was hilarious to you and daddy asked me - doesn't it make you totally melt when he laughs? And well, it is so true, it does. Having you makes both of us look at EVERYTHING differently. I look at myself differently, I look at social and global issues differently, I look at my troubles differently, I look at other's problems differently, I look at the future differently. The positivity and optimism that you've added to my life is a serious life saver. I don't have time to sit around to have a pity party about the petty things in life and to be honest, most days I can't find the pity in myself to feel it. You really do give life a whole new meaning for living. I love you so very much and like I always say (but cannot emphasize it enough), I am so so lucky to be your mommy and I am so grateful that I get the experience of having you in my life.



Monday, September 26, 2011

Eight Months

Dear Lachlan,

You're only 4 months shy of being one year. This time last year I was really starting to show with you. It is a bittersweet thing as you get older and wiser.

This month has been quite the month! Not too long after turning 7 months, you mastered your sitting skills and you mastered your mobility in what we will refer to "doing the worm" - not quite a crawl, not quite an army crawl. A belly flop, perhaps? Either way, no matter what it is, it is enough to get you from point A to B and quickly!

Just within the last few days you've turned your "worm" crawl into a half crawl. Sometimes you do a normal crawl, other times you do the worm. I think when you're really excited to get from point A to B you forget the real crawl and resort to belly flops across the floor!

Another really exciting thing is that you learned to pull yourself to standing.. on everything. It doesn't matter what it is, a sweater hanging off the couch, the corner of the entertainment center, the side of the bathtub, my leg, your toys, the pole of your jumparoo.. doesn't matter.. if it holds you (or you think it will), you pull yourself up! You're to the point now where you remove one hand while standing and try to bend down to pick up toys off the ground. You were successful once today but I think that is the only time you've been successful in doing so. Once standing, if your legs are too far apart or too far from whatever is holding you up, you readjust your footing and walk in. A couple times you've made a few steps while holding on to the couch or the side of your crib. Next up is walking, eh? I don't think that I am ready yet :)

You're no longer gagging while eating (for the most part, anyway) and can move food around in your mouth with your tongue so that you don't gag. You must have my gag reflex because I am an awful gagger as well! You absolutely love Cheerios and also have an interest in this little yogurt bites as well. You still love the very basic baby cereal and prefer that for breakfast. We've started giving you jarred baby food (I know, I know), but I think it was a choose my battle thing and I was losing by having you hate everything that I made. You rarely turn away any food from the jar. I figure the food we give you is organic and the only ingredients in the food other than food and water is Vitamin C, so I can deal. :) I also realize that sooner than later, you'll be in Kindergarten and receiving a bunch of crap for lunch anyway.. I can't keep you from all the "bad" things in life.

You love laughing and are just the happiest little thing. You have a fake laugh and a real laugh. If we fake laugh at you, you fake laugh back. We play peek-a-boo (with you sometimes pulling the blanket off and on your own face - so smart!) and you love that. You also love row row row your boat and when Sammy licks you. You still love the animals, and still, more than they love you! I think Sammy is your favorite - you just think he is SO funny and now that he got a haircut, he likes you a little more as you cannot pull his hair.

Your sleeping has been pretty good for the most part. Bedtime is between 7 and 8 and you usually wake up between 5 and 6:30. It seems like if you wake up before 5:45, youll go back to sleep, but if you wake after, you're up for the day. Naps could still use some work but you seem to be napping well at daycare.

Your vocabulary is slacking a little bit but you're also young. You make sounds like "da ba ga ma ta ya" but do not put any together and they're in random order! You'll say mama and dada soon enough. I'm not worried about it.

You're still the light of my life. My body still hurts when we are away and I still struggle spending any time away from you. I know that eventually I will be able to deal with going out when I could be spending time with you but I am just not ready yet. I miss out on so much time with you throughout the week while working that I want to spend every waking moment with you and feel a great amount of guilt and that I am being a bad mom if I spend even more time away from you. My hope for next month is that you become a little more of a cuddler. You're definitely a boy in the sense that you just like to be rough, tough and busy all the time. You have too much to discover to sit on my lap and cuddle. It is to the point at night time where you would rather hold your own bottle rather than having me hold it for you. You've definitely found this new sense of independence that I am not ready for yet. I know it will come and go and they always say that little boys love their mommies, so I am hoping for a cuddle stage before you become a teenager and think I am the worst person alive! :)

I am so, so, so lucky to be your mommy. I've never been so grateful.



Friday, August 26, 2011

Seven Months

Dear Lachlan,

Every month seems to go by quicker than the last. I could swear I was sitting here last week writing your half birthday update.

Im feeling tired today and getting a migraine so this will likely be short and sweet.

What a busy month you've had with your developments. The biggest is your new skill of sitting. You're still a little wobbly and a little too interested in other things and busy to concentrate on keeping your balance but you're getting it. A few times you've gone from laying to crawling position to sitting, which is pretty impressive. You're becoming more mobile and can scoot almost across the living room. You're able to get your entire chest off of the ground, get in crawling position, but fail to move from there. You have a half army crawl and use your arm as leverage to scoot yourself to get what you want.

We're working on eating more solids. You're not too keen on hard foods, like cheerios and puffs but enjoy gnawing on num-nums. Earlier in the month you would gag when anything of the sort would hit your tongue but you are getting better. You tried yogurt this last week and really enjoy both the banana and peach yogurt. You're not too fond of anything green - it is okay, I am not either. :)

Your sleeping has been really good for the most part; waking up around 430 to eat and going back to sleep until 630 or 7. A couple nights you've slept for 11 hours straight, not waking until morning time to eat. You have a few random nights here and there where you wake frequently throughout the night but they are hit and miss and far and few between. I appreciate that since I am the one home with you at night the majority of the time! Sometimes you fall asleep just from going in your crib and others you want to lay chest to chest and be rocked to sleep.

You really love daycare and love Tina. I think you're more excited to see her in the morning than you're ever glad to see me or daddy. Speaking of daddy, you're quite fond if him, his hat, his beard and his glasses. I would say right now you're more of a daddy's boy than a mommy's boy. When he comes home in the morning and we're eating breakfast, you turn your head when you hear the door open and watch for him. When you see him, you smile and squeal. It's nice that you're starting to show excitement when we come home from work or you haven't seen us for awhile.

You're starting to show an interest in everything around you making us realize how much trouble we are in once you're mobile and how un-babyproofed our house is! Im sure we will learn as we go, I just dont think it's necessary to proof everything when we dont know what you're going to be interested in discovering.

No teeth yet and I am convinced you'll never have any... maybe by your first birthday (which I need to start planning by the way)?

As always, I struggle with you growing up and seeming like anything but a "baby" in my eyes. Obviously you're still a baby (and will always be my baby boy) but you seem like such a big boy these days.. your independence is already shining through. I worry for the day where you won't let me kiss you anymore or won't want to sit on my lap and cuddle before bedtime. :( I know I have awhile to go and should just enjoy the time I have for now. You're a special little guy. I love you so very much.



Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Six Months

Dearest Lachlan,

I am in a bit of disbelief that you are half way to your first birthday. It's hard to believe in the amount of time we've had together, we only have that until you're one year old. Time has gone by so fast and it seems to go faster with each passing month.

This month has been exciting (I know I always say that) but you're turning into such a big boy. We tried some new foods this last month. You first had avocado which wasn't a total failure but definitely wasn't a hit, either; you seem to not mind it as much if it's mixed with your oatmeal. Next up was carrots. Grammie was here visiting so she was able to give you carrots for the first time. At first, you weren't too sure what to think but eventually enjoyed them. They were pretty easy to make but turn your face (and everything else) orange. After carrots we gave you sweet potato and that was a hit as well. The last couple week you've had sweet potato for dinner with a mix of green beans one night. The green beans were far from a hit and I think it may have been worse than the avocado. You were spitting it back out and made such retching faces. We gave you banana last night and you really enjoyed that.. so much so that you ate an entire banana (pureed, of course!). Unfortunately we learned that bananas tend to leave babies constipated so they're going to have to be a treat now and then.

Your sleeping has been hit or miss. You went through about a 2 week phase where you woke up every 15-90 minutes, which was really tiring for me since daddy starting working overnights as soon as you started refusing to sleep! It was a pretty stressful period but I tried to remember that this too shall pass, and it did. Most nights you fall asleep between 730 and 8 and wake up around 430 and 5 for your morning feeding and then go back to sleep for one to two hours. I can't complain, you're a pretty good sleeper and I consider myself lucky :)

You're starting to scoot a little bit but you're not crawling. You can turn yourself around in circles with ease and tuck your legs under your body and grunt. You definitely get the idea that you can be mobile and reach things, it's just a matter of figuring out how to be mobile. I am fine with you being immobile for awhile longer.. I like putting you in one spot and finding you in the same spot when I walk out of the room. You're sitting a little bit but lean forward and catch yourself with your hands and remain like that or topple forward doing a face plant or falling over to the side. You reach for everything and said everything goes right to your mouth. You bite like crazy with those little gums of yours. Speaking of, still no teeth or signs of one poking through any time soon other than your biting and drooling which has been going on for awhile.

You like to make the ptttttb sound and while it started out as something you just like to do for fun and smile, you mostly do it now when you are frustrated and can't voice yourself. Not only do you blow the raspberries when you are frustrated, but you also pant like a dog. You switch back and forth between pttttb and heeehhhh hehhhhh heeehhhhhhhhhh!! I can only imagine how frustrating it must be for you to try to voice yourself and not be able.

Like I said earlier, grammie and grampie came to visit for 11 whole days! It was nice to have them here and when the weather cooperated, you guys spent a lot of time at the park or on walks. Your daycare was closed for a week so they watched you during the day and you did pretty well especially considering it was out of your routine. It was nice having them visit and as always, was emotional when they had to leave.

You're smiling and laughing a lot more now. Sometimes you laugh when we tickle the bottom of your feet and you especially laugh when we tilt you up and blow on your side.. I think you're going to be a pretty ticklish guy. Its so funny how daddy and I do something totally random and you think it's the funniest thing ever. Daddy does little gun movements with his fingers with a "pewww pewwww pewwwww" sound and it is SO funny to you.. well, sometimes. That's another thing. Sometimes things are hilarious and the next day you look at us like we are stupid!

You've especially taken a liking to all of the animals with preference for the dogs. You think they are so funny and laugh at them when they come up close to you. You giggle when Frankie gives you kisses. You definitely like them more than they seem to like you. You have some sort of fascination with Sammy's fur and love to pull on it, and well, he doesn't love it so much. You watch them walk by and they bring so many smiles and laughs to your face. Warms my heart.

Your favorite thing right now is your jumperoo. I feel like it is a circle of neglect because you just rock out in there for 30-45 minutes at a time; laughing, squealing and yelling. When you're not in your jumperoo, you still like to jump/push off everything that is against the bottom of your feet. That was definitely a good investment!

You had your six month appointment today and daddy took you as I had to work. You did pretty well with your shots and didn't cry until the second leg. You weighed in at 16lb 0.5oz which is the 25th percentile, were 26 1/4" long which is the 45th percentile and your head circum. was at the 30th percentile. You're staying pretty close to on track and at the same percentile at each appointment. You're a skinny little dude.. so much so that you still fit into some 0-3 month pants.

As always, I am overwhelmed with this great amount of love for you. Sometimes I still lose my breath when I think about you and you're away, my entire body smiles when you laugh and I often find my face hurting from you making me smile so much. I miss you when I am at work and I miss you when you're in bed for the night. I never knew that being a mommy would be the greatest thing I'd ever experience. Everyone said it was so great being a mom but I had no idea. Being a mommy is something I am good at. I have an overwhelming sense of need to nurture, love and protect you. Sometimes, like when you wake up every 30 minutes at night, my patience is tested, but even at my moments with no patience, I still find the great in it and appreciate that I extra time I get to spend with you in the middle of the night. It's the truth. I love you more than I can express in words.


Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Half Full or Half Empty?

I have the most amazing little family ever.

Sometimes (seems more often than not these days) I am just overwhelmed with joy, love and a sense of thanks for my family. I sit back and remember all of the thoughts that went through my head before I was pregnant and before Lachlan arrived. I remember thinking that I was too selfish of a person and that I didn't want my free time taken away and that my life was great and perhaps the grass wasn't greener like I thought it would be. How wrong I was. I wouldn't change anything for all the money in the world. There's no more determining whether the glass is half full or half empty.. my glass is full. I love being a momma.

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Five Months

Dear Lachlan,

While we were in the office taking your five month pictures today, I had a flash back to your first month. It seems crazy that you're a month shy from being half a year old.

How much you've changed in the last month!

We ended up giving you cereal a little after you turned 4 months. I was expecting quite the reaction but you were pretty straight faced and seemed to enjoy it. We started out with just a tablespoon or so and have moved up to about 1/4c of cereal mix. We decided to go with the oatmeal rather than the rice as you already have issues being "regular" and it seems to have helped a little bit in that department.

Up until about 4.5 months, you slept on your back. You gradually started to turn and eventually preferred to sleep on your side. That preference has gone from side to stomach. Speaking of sleeping, you've had a bit of a regression, especially the last few nights.. we're talking waking up every 2 hours or less. We've tested the waters with giving you a few minutes to cry and then going back in. Usually, you cry because you're exhausted and can't settle yourself down enough to sleep. You're to the point now that you start on your back, roll to your side and end up on your stomach. When you wake up in the middle of the night and you're on your tummy, you cry. We assume that you're crying because you're too tired to roll yourself over. We're hoping this is short lived as it is a little exhausting!! :)

You've made the move and almost always roll to your tummy when we put you on your back. Sometimes you go back to tummy and back to your back. You've started to tuck your knees under your body and stick your butt up in the air. Obviously, I am new to this and am not too sure how the progress works, but with the positioning and your determination, I wouldn't be surprised if you are crawling by the time I make another monthly update.. guess time shall tell! You do turn yourself around in a circle when you are down on your tummy.

I think I may have felt a TINY bit of a ridge on your gums. You sure have been drooling a lot so it wouldn't surprise me if something pops through sooner than later. You've been drooling for quite awhile but its now getting to the point where your shirt is constantly wet from drool.

You started your new daycare with Michael and Tina. We are SO happy and it seems that you are as well. When you see Tina in the morning, you smile and kick your legs. :) You've been a happier baby all around since starting there. You're a lot happier in the evenings when we pick you up than you were when we would pick you up with Sharon's.. I am thinking there is more to it than just being a coincidence.

You're grabbing everything and anything.. including daddy's beard, our nostrils, lips, glasses, skin on our necks, etc. Everything you grab, you put in your mouth. You've started to show interest in petting the animals. Salem doesn't so much appreciate you pulling his fur, but you seem to enjoy it! Hopefully they all continue to be gentle and patient with your new found love of grabbing and pulling.

You giggle and blow raspberries now. The raspberries are hit or miss and are on your terms, but we enjoy the special treat when we get it! You giggle when we make stupid faces and sounds, blow on your belly and when we make high screeched noises and attack you with our face. I am waiting for the day when you start laughing uncontrollably. When you laugh, I lose my breath. You make me smile so much that I often find my cheeks hurting. You're starting to cuddle a little bit. When we hold you upright, you sometimes lay your head on our shoulders. You fell asleep on me yesterday, which is a rare occurrence. I enjoyed every minute of it.. even the warm pool of drool I had on my chest when you woke up.

With the funny and happy times comes the scary times. You've developed a small case of stranger anxiety. Sometimes when you see people, they get too close to your face or just startle you, you scream and cry. We went out to dinner for father's day and you did not like our waitress. She said hello, your bottom lip curled under and you let out some horrible high pitched screams. I tried settling you by holding you, rocking you, shhhh'ing you, giving you a bottle, walking you around, etc, etc and nothing seemed to work. So, we had to leave. Way to ruin your father's first father's day, kiddo! :)

We've finally gone back to cloth diapering and am hoping that we can keep up with it. You don't seem as uncomfortable when you're in them and they fit you so much better now that your tummy and thighs have filled out a little bit! Since our daycare provides diapers (and won't use cloth) we won't really have to buy any more diapers now other than having a small handful on hand as you have to go to daycare in the morning in a disposable. Either way, we will save money from here on out!

You've discovered how to use your jumperoo and really get a kick out of jumping up and down. Im sure by next month you'll be flying in the air and it'll be one of your favorite things.

I decided to give you avocado as your first food (minus the oat cereal of course) on your 5 month birthday, which is today. I suppose that is next month's writing material but for now, we will leave it as you not being too impressed!

I think as far as learning new things and skills, this month has been the most eventful. I still miss you like crazy when you're away (sometimes even when you're only in the other room sleeping) and I am pretty sure I will for the rest of my life. You light up my day when you give me that big smile every morning when I come in to your room. You allow me to see the good and happiness in the smallest things in life. You give living life and everything we do in it a whole new meaning. Being a momma is one of the greatest feelings I've ever experienced. The amount of love that exists in our little family is unreal. I hope someday you are able to feel as grateful to have me as your mom as I feel to have you as my son. I'm looking forward to the rest of our lives together as a family.



Thursday, June 9, 2011

Four Month Stats

We went for Lachlan's four month appointment today.. a couple weeks late! He looked great and did really good with his shots.. we only had tears for a couple seconds. He is snoozing away now.

His stats:

Height: 25 inches, 50th percentile

Weight: 13lbs 14ounces, 30th percentile

Cant believe that last time we were there you were a screaming babe. Life goes too fast.

Above is a video of Lachie "swimming" - and puking last weekend!

Thursday, May 26, 2011

The First Four Months

Four Months

Dear Lachlan,

About a year ago, we found out some news that was going to change our lives forever. Little did we know how great that change we be. On May 22, 2010, we found out that we had an addition to our family. I remember some of my initial thoughts that included excitement, anxiety, fear and an instant connection. We had a rough road for the first little while so while that made it harder to connect with you while you were growing, but there was an instant connection and bond that existed for me. Now, we're at the end of May and that little blur on the ultrasound measuring .64cm long at 5 weeks gestation is now close to 25 inches long and 4 months old!

We've had some big changes this month! One of the biggest was we broke your swaddle. Every morning when we'd come in to tend to your growling belly, you'd have your arms completely out of the swaddle. One night, around 3.5 months, you fell asleep while getting your bottle and we decided to just put your to bed without it. We had been talking about stopping but didn't know when the time would be right. It just seemed right that night. So, you're on 2 weeks now with no swaddle. It is harder to get you to fall asleep at night but you're still doing a fairly good job of sleeping through the night. Sometimes you wake up around midnight but after a short rocking, you're fast asleep. You usually sleep from around 7:30/8:00 - 5:00/5:30. Sometimes we have to stand next to your crib for awhile with our hand on your belly so that you feel safe and secure. We bought you a "blankey" and you pull it up to your face and hold it while falling asleep. I figured holding a blankey would give you the security like being wrapped up like a burrito did. Sometimes I miss the swaddle but you were ready to let it go.

You've really discovered your hands and you are able to grab any and every thing now. Before, you went at things with a fist but you go at things with an open hand and usually pull whatever it is that you re holding, up to your mouth to suck on.. including our hands! You're still very keen on sucking your fingers, sometimes all 4 at once. You pull your paci out of your mouth and try to get it back in, usually without success. You've also discovered your feet and like to grab them and hold them. For some reason, you like to put your legs in a pike position and almost do a half v-up by lifting your stiff legs in the air.

We decided to switch your daycare due to some reason I'd rather not blast all over the Internet but first and foremost, we would like to have daycare closer to home. We found a new daycare that is only 7 blocks away and were able to avoid the wait list that they now have. We are really excited about the new daycare and hope that it works out well. It was a very emotional decision for me. I worry about you and people knowing you and what you like and dislike, how to help you when you re crying and how to get you to sleep. I worry that you won't transition well and you'll develop stranger anxiety and be scared to be left with people you don't know. I guess it is better to switch now that you are 4 months old rather than waiting until you are 6 months or 9 months when you know the difference. I really, really hope it works out. It will make me feel so much better leaving you.

I still struggle with leaving you and some mornings I just snuggle with you on the couch and wish time would stand still so I could hold you in my arms while you either stare at me or fall fast asleep. I still rush home with excitement to see your little face.

You go to the doctor on June 9 to get your 4 month vaccinations and your overall well baby visit. I am anxious to see how tall you are and how much you weigh. You're still a skinny little thing and you still fit into pants that are 0-3 months in the waist but they tend to be too short. You've outgrown some of your 0-3 month clothes and it looks like its time for me to pack up more clothes! I feel like I just packed up your newborn clothes a week ago! Time goes by too fast.

Part of the time I am back wishing that I could freeze time and keep you young and small. I do feel like time is going by too fast and we are going to look back and feel like it was forever ago since you were a little baby. However, I do love seeing you grow and develop and get excited for the next new thing. I ordered your high chair last night and it made me sad to think that you're that big of a boy now. We will probably start some cereal before the next time I post at 5 months. I have mixed feelings about starting the cereal now or waiting until you're older. However, we will likely start some solids once we get the OK at your well baby visit. I am excited to start experimenting with foods when I start making your food. I hope that is one thing that I really do stick with because I think it would be best for you. It might just come down to whether or not I have time with working full time and going to school on top of being the best mommy I can be.

You've really started talking (or cooing!) and sometimes it sounds like you're saying words although we know you're not. It's just funny when we ask you a question and we get a "yea" response. You're starting to enjoy tummy time a little more than before but end up rolling over to your back within a couple minutes. I am excited that you tolerate it a little more and don't just put your head down and cry anymore. Sometimes when you're laying on your back, you get really excited and roll from side to side leaving me excited that you're going to roll over on your tummy. You still have to roll from back to front but it will be an exciting time when you do! I think I am okay with you being immobile while being on your back :)

You're still going to the chiropractor but are up to only going once a month. You're doing pretty well with the crankiness and only really get cranky if you're tired, lonely and want to be held, or are constipated.

I still feel like the luckiest mommy ever to have you as my son. I look at everything in a different way now that I have you as my son. The happy times in life are happier and the sad times in life aren't as sad. Its so nice to have another great reason to be alive and living a great life. You're turning into such a special guy, I can't wait to see what the next month of life brings. I feel so blessed.



Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Three Months

Dear Lachlan,

Here we are at our three month check-in. :)

You've grown and developed so much in the last month - don't I always say that? You've really started to coo this month and have continued with repeating sounds that daddy and I make. You really like the "whooooo" (like an owl!) sound and your newest love is when we snort at you. Recently, you've realized that you like it when I sing "one two, buckle my shoe" and I can see that little tongue in your mouth moving around as if you're trying to make out the words with me. You're finding out what your hands can do and like to try to grab at things (although you tend to go at things with a fist) and you hold on to things like rattles, the toys that hang on your play mat, and of course, my hair! As well, you've found out that water can splash and really had a blast at your last bath kicking and punching the water, splashing me in the face! It seems as though you are starting to put your hands and arms out as if you're hinting that you want to be picked up, we will stay tuned to see if this is a new development or just a fluke! You're pretty fascinated with putting your fists in your mouth. You're really trying to find that little thumb of yours but you keep tucking it in your hand so instead of just your thumb going in your mouth, your entire hand does. However, the other morning we heard you on the monitor squirming and fussing a little bit so I went to make you a bottle and next thing we heard was a sucking noise through the monitor.. when I went in, you had just your thumb in your mouth and you looked oh so content sucking away at that little thumb! As well, you're really into your tongue and like to stick it out a lot.

We had Easter together on Sunday. In your basket you got new pacifiers, a teething toy, a skull print cloth diaper and a book called "Love You Forever." Obviously you were real thrilled about your Easter basket and getting 100 pictures taken of you. Next year will be more fun!

A few big changes this month is that you started daycare and I returned to work. I was nauseous and literally sick a few days before I went back to work. Your first day to daycare was on April 18, you went for a half day and did well! Of course, I cried the whole 4 hours, not including the time before we dropped you off, and watched the clock waiting for it to be time for us to come pick you up. You went half days on Tuesday and Wednesday that week but went for a full day on Thursday and Friday. So far, you've been a pretty happy guy when we pick you up but you get tired pretty quick when we get home, leaving you cranky and ready for bed at an early hour. I am thankful that we trust Sharon and that I do not have to worry about you while I am away. One good thing about doing daycare is that you're on somewhat of a schedule now which is a bit of a relief. The last couple nights, you've slept from 8/8:30p - 5:30a without waking up! How nice that has been for all of us! We just need to work on your daytime napping but I know that it will come with time. You still enjoy taking cat naps here and there, hopefully before long we can push them all into one or two long naps during the day, it will make everyone involved feel better :)

You've started squealing a little bit as well which may or may not be laughs! The other day we were in Target and you were doing this high pitched squeal after making noises and we were standing in the aisle laughing at you; totally looking like new parents that are completely smitten with our baby (which we are!). You're developing quite a cute personality as well; you turn with your head to the side when you laugh looking quite bashful.

One major thing to note is that we've taken you to a chiropractor for your colic. I'm not sure if I have mentioned that in a previous blog entry or not but it has been like night and day. I heard from a few people that it can make quite a difference on colic babies so I figured it was worth a try. It has been a miracle. Ever since we took you there, you've slept at least 6 hours in your first stretch of sleep for the night and you rarely have fits anymore. You're fussy every now and then, but that is how babies are! As well, the amount of spit up/vomiting has greatly reduced as well to be at a normal level. You've gone around 5 or 6 times now and the last time we went, you didn't even cry. I can tell that you're a lot more comfortable now, which makes me happy. :)

Being back at work is really rough and I think about you close to every 5 minutes during the day. I have pictures of you to my right and both on my desk and a bookshelf that faces me. I do have to say that I find more motivation throughout my day as I just want to crank my work out so I can get out of here to come see you. Getting off work and having the weekend have a whole new meaning to me now. I still struggle with feeling guilty leaving you and "living my life" while you sit at daycare, but unfortunately I don't have the option of staying home, at least for now.. maybe some day. And as well, I struggle with missing you but I am pretty sure that will never end. It makes me sad to think of all the time and things I am going to miss out on but I am also thankful to just be able to get what time I do get with you as you're a pretty special little guy.

I am also doing better this month than last and the first with you growing up. I think for awhile I struggled thinking that I was only able to see you for a short amount of time and that would be the end of our time together. I am so excited to see you grow up. I am so excited to see what you do tomorrow, next week, next month and next year! I can't say it enough (and as cheesy as it is) of how thankful I am to be your mommy and to have you in my life. I look at everything in a whole new way and I have opened my eyes and see things in a completely different perspective now that you're along for the ride with us. The amount of love I have for you is just amazing.

I am so excited to see what this next month brings. You bring such joy to our lives and we're the luckiest people ever to have you in our lives.



Wednesday, April 6, 2011

10 weeks!

Time is flying by. I can't believe that I have less than two weeks before I return to work. What a devastating day that will be. I have serious anxiety when I think about it. While I enjoy my job for the most part, I'd rather another job; caring for my son full-time.

We went to Iowa together last week. It was a pretty good trip. Frontier was EXCELLENT and very accommodating to me traveling alone with an infant. They made arrangements so that I could have him with me in his car seat for both of my long flights and the flight attendants were very nice. As well, I went over on my luggage weight limit and they let it fly (literally) rather than charge me for an extra bag or an over limit fee. Lachie traveled very well on the way there other than a little fussiness from Milwaukee to Madison. He had a rough first day in Iowa and threw quite a few fits. I was running on only 3.5 hours of sleep so when he threw a fit at my aunt and uncles house (and ended up leaving sweaty in only a diaper) and a few others when we got to my parents' house, I broke down and cried. It was hard being away from Morgan as we hardly ever spend nights away from each bother. He slept well for me each night which was a relief!

After returning home, he went back to not sleeping very well. I would say he is back to sleeping about as well as he did when he was a newborn.. aka not very well. He has also been very fussy since we returned home. I really worry about him and worry that he is in pain. The way that he looks at me in the eyes while screaming with tears coming out of his eyes breaks my heart. I wish there was something we could do for his colic or whatever it is that is bothering him. We are going to see a chiropractor tomorrow to see if they can do anything for him. I've heard that chiropractors can work wonders for colic and reflux and I believe he suffers from both. I understand that babies cry and babies are fussy, but I just think he should be able to spend time awake during the day without crying. I feel like he spends less and less time happy throughout the day. It's funny that I read the happiest baby on the block book and feel like I ended up with the unhappiest baby on the block! It is hard for me and I feel like I am unable to make him happy.

We purchased a used "Rock 'n Play" sleeper to see if that will help him sleep better at night. It has stellar reviews so we will see. He is currently sleeping in it for the first time at night. We tried using the generic version of his formula from Target and it ended up leaving him horribly constipated. I don't really understand how it would make a difference since it is supposedly the same exact thing (according to our ped, anyway).

Lachie has really started smiling and laughing (without sound, anyway) and loves when you talk to him. He likes to imitate your sounds and really enjoys when you repeat the sounds back to him. He is also gaining a lot of neck strength and if you're holding on to his hands when he is laying down, he tries to pull himself up to a sitting position.

One thing that I noticed while traveling with him (both to Canada and Iowa) is that I am so self conscious and embarrassed (if that is the right word) to give him formula. I constantly feel like everyone is judging me as a horrible mother when I whip out the formula mix and shake up the bottle. Maybe people are.. it wouldn't surprise me. It's amazing that I am still not over this whole breast feeding thing. I wish others could understand where I am coming from and/or how much I wanted to be able to breastfeed.

Lately I have been thinking about baby names which is just ridiculous. Obviously we're not going to be getting pregnant anytime soon but I guess the "fever" never really goes away. Even when Lachie is having a meltdown it never takes my vision of a bigger family away.

However, I have been struggling lately. I don't know if I am just tired or what but I feel like my level of patience has decreased dramatically. I find myself crying a lot more when I am stressed and just feeling overwhelmed when he is screaming in my face. I think I have shed tears every day for the last week or so. I hope that I am just in a rough phase and that this is not a sign of a decline in my mood. I really just want Lachie to be happy. Morgan got a temporary job working 6p - 4a so I have been feeling the additional responsibility. I end up putting Lachie to bed and dealing with him during his worst hours of the day and waking up with him and of course caring for him during the day (with help for a few hours!). It is hard, especially when he is screaming. I do have an enormous amount of respect for single mommies, or those with traveling husbands.

Well, I think that is about it. Lachie is starting to stir so I am sure I will be going in to comfort him in a few minutes. :)

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Two Months

Dear Lachlan,

You're two months old today! I feel like just last week I was taking your one month photos and writing my monthly blog update. How time flies.

We've had a busy month. I suppose the thing that stands out most is your first plane ride and first trip outside of the country! We flew to Canada on March 15th and came back home on March 22. We flew from Denver to Montreal and Montreal to Halifax. When we arrived in Montreal, we were supposed to fly to Toronto and then to Halifax, but a nice Frenchman saw that you were with us and changed our flight so that we did not have to take two more flights to get to Halifax. What a nice guy! You did amazingly well on the way to Montreal and slept the entire way from Montreal to Halifax. I was really nervous about the whole flight experience, but it was better than expected. We flew from Halifax to Newark and Newark to Denver. The flight from Halifax to Newark went well, it was nice and short. We didn't have much time in Newark before our long flight to Denver. The flight from Newark to Denver was just over 4 hours. There were a few moments where you were getting restless (but so were mom and dad), but other than that, it was a good experience as well.

While we were in Canada you met your grampie, uncle Tim, aunt Jordyn, your great aunts and great grandmother. It was a great trip. We had you sleeping in a pack and play and you didn't enjoy that too much so you ended up with us in the morning. We tried keeping you on the same time schedule as we have here in Denver so you went to bed late, around 11-12 and woke up around 9 or 10a. You stayed with grammie and grampie a couple times while we ran errands or went out. When we went out to have a couple drinks and see a band play, I thought about you every 5 minutes and felt like a part of me was missing. I know it is good for me to get used to spending time away from you since I am returning to work in *gulp* 3 weeks.

Speaking of which, we found a daycare for you. I had been stressing out over finding someone wonderful for you. Every person we met rubbed me the wrong way and I shed more than a couple tears at the thought of leaving you (I still do), but I feel somewhat ok with leaving you with Sharon. She is a grandma and her husband is retired so they're both there during the day. They're a licensed daycare and live out in Westminster so we're going to have a bit of a commute, but it is worth it. We figured we were either going to sacrifice a good commute or good care and obviously we'd rather have great care and a not so great commute. I think since I return to work on a Tuesday, I am going to take you for a half day on Monday so that I am not as much of a wreck on my first day back (even though I know I still will).

As far as your changes this month, you have quite a few! First, you have eyebrows and eyelashes now and you were lucky to get your dad's eyelashes.. feminine and long! We haven't figured out if you have my or dad's eyebrows, but I am hoping for dad's as mine can be a little ridiculous when they're not plucked.. and I would imagine that plucking won't be on your daily routine! As well, your head strength has increased quite a bit. When your head tips, you are able to pull it back up straight and when we burp you, unless you're tired and way to lay your head down, you keep your head up and look around. You still hate tummy time and have only rolled over a couple times since your amazing accomplishment at 3.5 weeks. When we put you on your tummy, you whine and eventually cry. I worry that we don't do enough tummy time but you'll start to enjoy it when you're ready. You've also starting imitating us. We can look at you and go "oooh" and you will smile and repeat the sound. We can do this for 5 or more minutes and its ridiculously cute! Your favorite thing is your musical star that is on your play mat. Pretty much without fail, it can make you smile (and laugh - without sound!) and calm you when you're upset. We were sure to take it with us to Canada. The way you dance to the music makes us think that you're going to be a music lover and a musician. This wouldn't be surprising! You love your swing as well and can be completely content hanging out in there and more times than not, it puts you to sleep. One really neat thing is how you follow objects and people with your eyes. If someone is on your left side and walks around to the right side, you will follow them with your eyes.

We started you on a medicine for reflux. We're not sure whether or not it is even helping but we may give a little while longer. It tastes like crap but you don't really seem to mind. You have your 2 month appointment on Monday where you get your first round of vaccinations (I am terrified) so we will probably address the whole reflux thing there. We need to figure out something for your gas as it seems to really bother you. :(

When we arrived home from Canada, we started your cloth diapers. We bought some one size diapers with the money we received from great aunt Mary Ellen, great grandma (Nanny) and grammie and grampie to buy them. I am still mixed on the whole cloth diapering thing. It sure is a lot more convenient to use disposables but not feeling gel in your diaper when you are wet is nice. As well, knowing that we are being "green" helps as well. The daycare won't use cloth so you'll be wearing disposables during the week while you're at daycare. Some of the prints of the diapers are super cute!

Just you and I are headed to Iowa this coming week. I am pretty nervous about being a "single mom" for just short of a week and flying alone with you. But, I am sure that you will be wonderful and easy on me! I am excited for you to meet your uncle Jeremy and your great grandma.

During your first month, I would get really sad when thinking about you getting bigger and older. While I do enjoy you being small and young, I am starting to be able to look forward to your growth and developments. I realize now that I have so much time to spend with you and it makes me to grateful. I am so excited to see the person you grow up to be. You add so much happiness and warmth to our lives and I am so glad that you're mine and I get to see everything that you are and become. I am so lucky to be your mommy and have you as my son. The amount of love I have for you is indescribable. I did not have the slightest clue on how great it would feel being a mommy and the level of love and gratefulness that I would feel. While I will enjoy every minute that I have with you and enjoy you as a small little guy, I look forward to our future together and watching you grow and explore the life you have. You're seriously a special little guy and I couldn't ask for a more wonderful person to be my son.



Thursday, March 10, 2011

6 weeks, getting jiggy wit'it

6 weeks!

I cant believe that Lachlan is already 6 weeks old! Its amazing how much he has grown - even just in the last two weeks.

Around 3-4 weeks he started having violent crying fits where he would lose his voice and sound like a motor going bad. We took him in about a week and a half ago because he had some yellow/green discharge from his eye and it was swollen and red. It turns out that he had an eye infection so we got some ointment and treated that. While we were at the doctor, he had one of his crying fits and the doctor mentioned "colic" one too many times for comfort. She asked us about his fits and I talked about his issues with his stomach - painful burping and diarrhea and she suggested that we switch him to Isomil formula.

We put him on the soy formula and it seemed to help right off the bat. Fast forward a few days and he started having a lot of issues going to the bathroom. He would push and push (going red in the face and crying) and nothing would come out. Eventually, he pushed out a small hard turd. Then he started puking as well and spitting up quite a bit of formula after each feeding. Poor little guy. So, we took him back to the doctor to address the "colic", his constipation and the spitting up/puking. The doctor that we normally see suggested that we take him off the soy formula and try Nutramigen. He said that we should see a drastic change within 48 hours and if not, to discontinue use, go back to the Similac Sensitive and fill an rx for acid reflux. So, we are at the 48 hour mark and while has improved somewhat we dont think that it is a drastic enough change so we are going to go back to the Similac Sensitive. We're really hoping he can stay on the Similac because the Nutramigen is SO expensive, like, it would cost us over $100 a week. Uhm, we can't afford that. So, we will see how it goes with the Sensitive formula and his rx for reflux. I just want him to be happy and to feel ok. It breaks my heart so bad when he arches his back and shoots his stiff legs out in pain. Most of the time I break down and cry. I just feel like such a failure when I can't do anything to console him or make him feel better. He weighed 8lbs 12oz at his visit.. almost 9 pounds but not quite there.. a couple more pounds and he should be able to fit into his one size cloth diapers.

I had my 6 week checkup the other day and also got my IUD in (no more babies for me for awhile!). During my visit they were asking me about breastfeeding. I informed her how I stopped breastfeeding because my supply just kept decreasing and decreasing and he would pull off not wanting to eat.. I knew this would happen eventually but it was pretty heartbreaking when it happened. She asked how I felt about discontinuing the breastfeeding and I broke down crying. I guess maybe I just didn't have any kind of closure with it and part of me feels like he needs it/wants it/misses it.. but I know that he doesn't know the difference of getting it or not. But, it still hurts. I wanted to breastfeed so bad and I feel so defeated and feel like I gave up and maybe I could have done something else to make it happen. My midwife assured me that there was likely nothing else that I could've done and that I tried my best. She suggested that perhaps I could just let him suckle and be a human pacifier. She said that it could provide comfort for both of us and that it may give me the appropriate closure. So, I may try that. She also suggested maybe I go to a support group to get the support that I need.

One other issue that I am really struggling with is my body. I got SO many stretch marks during pregnancy. I wish I was exaggerating when I said that it looks like a tiger attacked my stomach and scratched it. But, its true. In addition, I have the fat pouch that hangs there. I guess I thought the weight would come off easier and I would be able to fit into my prepregnancy pants by now. But, truth is, I am still wearing maternity clothes. I have always struggled with how I look and have battled with my image. Well, now I would give anything to look like I did before I got pregnant. :( I know that it will likely come off eventually but I will never look like I did before. I have regret not appreciating the body I had. So, maybe that is a sign that I should embrace my body as it is now because it could be worse. My 30th birthday is in July, on the 25th, so my goal is to lose 25 pounds by then.. 25 by the 25th.. has a ring to it, no?! I need to start working out.. even if its just walking a couple or few miles a day. I think it will help my emotional well being as well.. newbowns are stressful.

We're really struggling with finding daycare/care for Lachlan for when I return to work. I swear I have looked since I was about 3 months pregnant. It has become a full time job and I end up empty handed by the end of the day. We have interviewed two different women for his care and the one was a definite no and the other was a maybe. We will likely end up using her. I wish we could find someone closer or on a more convenient commute detour. I am sure something will work out, I just hate the uncertainty.

We leave next week for Canada. I am excited but nervous for the trip. I am just really hoping that he doesn't have one of his fits on the plane. His swing has become our savior. It is one of the only things that can calm him and even that isn't always a guarantee. So, sans swing, I hope we can manage both on the plane and throughout our visit.

Lachlan has discovered his hands and likes to grab onto things - like my shirt while he is eating, or the canopy over his bassinet when you try to take him out. He is also starting to coo and it is super adorable. He is definitely smiling now and will often imitate your facial expressions. He is about out of his newborn sized clothes now. He is a skinny little runt and does not fit into any of his pants in the waist but fits into them length-wise. By the time he fits into his 0-3 month clothes in the waist they will be highwaters!

Enjoy the video of him that I took this afternoon with our new Flip cam :) I will take a lot more videos to share with you guys. I am hoping to find someone to come photograph our family. We can take pictures of each other and of Lachlan but we want someone to photograph all three of us. I want to do it before he gets too big... and well, again once he is big(ger).

Well, I think that about does it. Life is splendid with Lachlan, he really is great even when he is throwing fits. :P