I cant believe that Lachlan is already 6 weeks old! Its amazing how much he has grown - even just in the last two weeks.
Around 3-4 weeks he started having violent crying fits where he would lose his voice and sound like a motor going bad. We took him in about a week and a half ago because he had some yellow/green discharge from his eye and it was swollen and red. It turns out that he had an eye infection so we got some ointment and treated that. While we were at the doctor, he had one of his crying fits and the doctor mentioned "colic" one too many times for comfort. She asked us about his fits and I talked about his issues with his stomach - painful burping and diarrhea and she suggested that we switch him to Isomil formula.
We put him on the soy formula and it seemed to help right off the bat. Fast forward a few days and he started having a lot of issues going to the bathroom. He would push and push (going red in the face and crying) and nothing would come out. Eventually, he pushed out a small hard turd. Then he started puking as well and spitting up quite a bit of formula after each feeding. Poor little guy. So, we took him back to the doctor to address the "colic", his constipation and the spitting up/puking. The doctor that we normally see suggested that we take him off the soy formula and try Nutramigen. He said that we should see a drastic change within 48 hours and if not, to discontinue use, go back to the Similac Sensitive and fill an rx for acid reflux. So, we are at the 48 hour mark and while has improved somewhat we dont think that it is a drastic enough change so we are going to go back to the Similac Sensitive. We're really hoping he can stay on the Similac because the Nutramigen is SO expensive, like, it would cost us over $100 a week. Uhm, we can't afford that. So, we will see how it goes with the Sensitive formula and his rx for reflux. I just want him to be happy and to feel ok. It breaks my heart so bad when he arches his back and shoots his stiff legs out in pain. Most of the time I break down and cry. I just feel like such a failure when I can't do anything to console him or make him feel better. He weighed 8lbs 12oz at his visit.. almost 9 pounds but not quite there.. a couple more pounds and he should be able to fit into his one size cloth diapers.
I had my 6 week checkup the other day and also got my IUD in (no more babies for me for awhile!). During my visit they were asking me about breastfeeding. I informed her how I stopped breastfeeding because my supply just kept decreasing and decreasing and he would pull off not wanting to eat.. I knew this would happen eventually but it was pretty heartbreaking when it happened. She asked how I felt about discontinuing the breastfeeding and I broke down crying. I guess maybe I just didn't have any kind of closure with it and part of me feels like he needs it/wants it/misses it.. but I know that he doesn't know the difference of getting it or not. But, it still hurts. I wanted to breastfeed so bad and I feel so defeated and feel like I gave up and maybe I could have done something else to make it happen. My midwife assured me that there was likely nothing else that I could've done and that I tried my best. She suggested that perhaps I could just let him suckle and be a human pacifier. She said that it could provide comfort for both of us and that it may give me the appropriate closure. So, I may try that. She also suggested maybe I go to a support group to get the support that I need.
One other issue that I am really struggling with is my body. I got SO many stretch marks during pregnancy. I wish I was exaggerating when I said that it looks like a tiger attacked my stomach and scratched it. But, its true. In addition, I have the fat pouch that hangs there. I guess I thought the weight would come off easier and I would be able to fit into my prepregnancy pants by now. But, truth is, I am still wearing maternity clothes. I have always struggled with how I look and have battled with my image. Well, now I would give anything to look like I did before I got pregnant. :( I know that it will likely come off eventually but I will never look like I did before. I have regret not appreciating the body I had. So, maybe that is a sign that I should embrace my body as it is now because it could be worse. My 30th birthday is in July, on the 25th, so my goal is to lose 25 pounds by then.. 25 by the 25th.. has a ring to it, no?! I need to start working out.. even if its just walking a couple or few miles a day. I think it will help my emotional well being as well.. newbowns are stressful.
We're really struggling with finding daycare/care for Lachlan for when I return to work. I swear I have looked since I was about 3 months pregnant. It has become a full time job and I end up empty handed by the end of the day. We have interviewed two different women for his care and the one was a definite no and the other was a maybe. We will likely end up using her. I wish we could find someone closer or on a more convenient commute detour. I am sure something will work out, I just hate the uncertainty.
We leave next week for Canada. I am excited but nervous for the trip. I am just really hoping that he doesn't have one of his fits on the plane. His swing has become our savior. It is one of the only things that can calm him and even that isn't always a guarantee. So, sans swing, I hope we can manage both on the plane and throughout our visit.
Lachlan has discovered his hands and likes to grab onto things - like my shirt while he is eating, or the canopy over his bassinet when you try to take him out. He is also starting to coo and it is super adorable. He is definitely smiling now and will often imitate your facial expressions. He is about out of his newborn sized clothes now. He is a skinny little runt and does not fit into any of his pants in the waist but fits into them length-wise. By the time he fits into his 0-3 month clothes in the waist they will be highwaters!
Enjoy the video of him that I took this afternoon with our new Flip cam :) I will take a lot more videos to share with you guys. I am hoping to find someone to come photograph our family. We can take pictures of each other and of Lachlan but we want someone to photograph all three of us. I want to do it before he gets too big... and well, again once he is big(ger).
Well, I think that about does it. Life is splendid with Lachlan, he really is great even when he is throwing fits. :P