Three Months

Dear Lachlan,

Here we are at our three month check-in. :)

You've grown and developed so much in the last month - don't I always say that? You've really started to coo this month and have continued with repeating sounds that daddy and I make. You really like the "whooooo" (like an owl!) sound and your newest love is when we snort at you. Recently, you've realized that you like it when I sing "one two, buckle my shoe" and I can see that little tongue in your mouth moving around as if you're trying to make out the words with me. You're finding out what your hands can do and like to try to grab at things (although you tend to go at things with a fist) and you hold on to things like rattles, the toys that hang on your play mat, and of course, my hair! As well, you've found out that water can splash and really had a blast at your last bath kicking and punching the water, splashing me in the face! It seems as though you are starting to put your hands and arms out as if you're hinting that you want to be picked up, we will stay tuned to see if this is a new development or just a fluke! You're pretty fascinated with putting your fists in your mouth. You're really trying to find that little thumb of yours but you keep tucking it in your hand so instead of just your thumb going in your mouth, your entire hand does. However, the other morning we heard you on the monitor squirming and fussing a little bit so I went to make you a bottle and next thing we heard was a sucking noise through the monitor.. when I went in, you had just your thumb in your mouth and you looked oh so content sucking away at that little thumb! As well, you're really into your tongue and like to stick it out a lot.

We had Easter together on Sunday. In your basket you got new pacifiers, a teething toy, a skull print cloth diaper and a book called "Love You Forever." Obviously you were real thrilled about your Easter basket and getting 100 pictures taken of you. Next year will be more fun!

A few big changes this month is that you started daycare and I returned to work. I was nauseous and literally sick a few days before I went back to work. Your first day to daycare was on April 18, you went for a half day and did well! Of course, I cried the whole 4 hours, not including the time before we dropped you off, and watched the clock waiting for it to be time for us to come pick you up. You went half days on Tuesday and Wednesday that week but went for a full day on Thursday and Friday. So far, you've been a pretty happy guy when we pick you up but you get tired pretty quick when we get home, leaving you cranky and ready for bed at an early hour. I am thankful that we trust Sharon and that I do not have to worry about you while I am away. One good thing about doing daycare is that you're on somewhat of a schedule now which is a bit of a relief. The last couple nights, you've slept from 8/8:30p - 5:30a without waking up! How nice that has been for all of us! We just need to work on your daytime napping but I know that it will come with time. You still enjoy taking cat naps here and there, hopefully before long we can push them all into one or two long naps during the day, it will make everyone involved feel better :)

You've started squealing a little bit as well which may or may not be laughs! The other day we were in Target and you were doing this high pitched squeal after making noises and we were standing in the aisle laughing at you; totally looking like new parents that are completely smitten with our baby (which we are!). You're developing quite a cute personality as well; you turn with your head to the side when you laugh looking quite bashful.

One major thing to note is that we've taken you to a chiropractor for your colic. I'm not sure if I have mentioned that in a previous blog entry or not but it has been like night and day. I heard from a few people that it can make quite a difference on colic babies so I figured it was worth a try. It has been a miracle. Ever since we took you there, you've slept at least 6 hours in your first stretch of sleep for the night and you rarely have fits anymore. You're fussy every now and then, but that is how babies are! As well, the amount of spit up/vomiting has greatly reduced as well to be at a normal level. You've gone around 5 or 6 times now and the last time we went, you didn't even cry. I can tell that you're a lot more comfortable now, which makes me happy. :)

Being back at work is really rough and I think about you close to every 5 minutes during the day. I have pictures of you to my right and both on my desk and a bookshelf that faces me. I do have to say that I find more motivation throughout my day as I just want to crank my work out so I can get out of here to come see you. Getting off work and having the weekend have a whole new meaning to me now. I still struggle with feeling guilty leaving you and "living my life" while you sit at daycare, but unfortunately I don't have the option of staying home, at least for now.. maybe some day. And as well, I struggle with missing you but I am pretty sure that will never end. It makes me sad to think of all the time and things I am going to miss out on but I am also thankful to just be able to get what time I do get with you as you're a pretty special little guy.

I am also doing better this month than last and the first with you growing up. I think for awhile I struggled thinking that I was only able to see you for a short amount of time and that would be the end of our time together. I am so excited to see you grow up. I am so excited to see what you do tomorrow, next week, next month and next year! I can't say it enough (and as cheesy as it is) of how thankful I am to be your mommy and to have you in my life. I look at everything in a whole new way and I have opened my eyes and see things in a completely different perspective now that you're along for the ride with us. The amount of love I have for you is just amazing.

I am so excited to see what this next month brings. You bring such joy to our lives and we're the luckiest people ever to have you in our lives.

xo,

mommy

10 weeks!

Time is flying by. I can't believe that I have less than two weeks before I return to work. What a devastating day that will be. I have serious anxiety when I think about it. While I enjoy my job for the most part, I'd rather another job; caring for my son full-time.

We went to Iowa together last week. It was a pretty good trip. Frontier was EXCELLENT and very accommodating to me traveling alone with an infant. They made arrangements so that I could have him with me in his car seat for both of my long flights and the flight attendants were very nice. As well, I went over on my luggage weight limit and they let it fly (literally) rather than charge me for an extra bag or an over limit fee. Lachie traveled very well on the way there other than a little fussiness from Milwaukee to Madison. He had a rough first day in Iowa and threw quite a few fits. I was running on only 3.5 hours of sleep so when he threw a fit at my aunt and uncles house (and ended up leaving sweaty in only a diaper) and a few others when we got to my parents' house, I broke down and cried. It was hard being away from Morgan as we hardly ever spend nights away from each bother. He slept well for me each night which was a relief!

After returning home, he went back to not sleeping very well. I would say he is back to sleeping about as well as he did when he was a newborn.. aka not very well. He has also been very fussy since we returned home. I really worry about him and worry that he is in pain. The way that he looks at me in the eyes while screaming with tears coming out of his eyes breaks my heart. I wish there was something we could do for his colic or whatever it is that is bothering him. We are going to see a chiropractor tomorrow to see if they can do anything for him. I've heard that chiropractors can work wonders for colic and reflux and I believe he suffers from both. I understand that babies cry and babies are fussy, but I just think he should be able to spend time awake during the day without crying. I feel like he spends less and less time happy throughout the day. It's funny that I read the happiest baby on the block book and feel like I ended up with the unhappiest baby on the block! It is hard for me and I feel like I am unable to make him happy.

We purchased a used "Rock 'n Play" sleeper to see if that will help him sleep better at night. It has stellar reviews so we will see. He is currently sleeping in it for the first time at night. We tried using the generic version of his formula from Target and it ended up leaving him horribly constipated. I don't really understand how it would make a difference since it is supposedly the same exact thing (according to our ped, anyway).

Lachie has really started smiling and laughing (without sound, anyway) and loves when you talk to him. He likes to imitate your sounds and really enjoys when you repeat the sounds back to him. He is also gaining a lot of neck strength and if you're holding on to his hands when he is laying down, he tries to pull himself up to a sitting position.

One thing that I noticed while traveling with him (both to Canada and Iowa) is that I am so self conscious and embarrassed (if that is the right word) to give him formula. I constantly feel like everyone is judging me as a horrible mother when I whip out the formula mix and shake up the bottle. Maybe people are.. it wouldn't surprise me. It's amazing that I am still not over this whole breast feeding thing. I wish others could understand where I am coming from and/or how much I wanted to be able to breastfeed.

Lately I have been thinking about baby names which is just ridiculous. Obviously we're not going to be getting pregnant anytime soon but I guess the "fever" never really goes away. Even when Lachie is having a meltdown it never takes my vision of a bigger family away.

However, I have been struggling lately. I don't know if I am just tired or what but I feel like my level of patience has decreased dramatically. I find myself crying a lot more when I am stressed and just feeling overwhelmed when he is screaming in my face. I think I have shed tears every day for the last week or so. I hope that I am just in a rough phase and that this is not a sign of a decline in my mood. I really just want Lachie to be happy. Morgan got a temporary job working 6p - 4a so I have been feeling the additional responsibility. I end up putting Lachie to bed and dealing with him during his worst hours of the day and waking up with him and of course caring for him during the day (with help for a few hours!). It is hard, especially when he is screaming. I do have an enormous amount of respect for single mommies, or those with traveling husbands.

Well, I think that is about it. Lachie is starting to stir so I am sure I will be going in to comfort him in a few minutes. :)