13 weeks preggo: keeping calm and carrying on?

Well, I spoke too soon about finally having an excellent appointment. We got a call yesterday from the testing unit and my lab work came back abnormal making the baby at high(er) risk for down syndrome. Seriously?

I am still somewhat shocked by my lab work. The NT scan alone was great (measured in at 1.1 as previously posted) but something must have been completely haywire with my blood work. I think going into the appointment I was expecting something to show up as abnormal because that seems to be the streak that we are on. But, when they showed so much optimism after my ultra sound, I was sure that everything would be just fine. So, the worry went away and when they called to give me my risk ratio, I was expecting something similar to 1:10,000, but ended up with 1:170, which is quite a difference.

Now, when you take 1:170 into a percentage, it is only like .58% which is SO minimal, but, it was enough for them to ask me to return to have a 2 level ultrasound and suggest an amniocentesis. We still haven't decided whether or not we are going to do the amnio. Its hard not to look at 1:170 and only see the 1, implying there's that chance. That's all we seem to see and consider; there's that chance. It's like in Dumb and Dumber when Llyod asks Mary what the chance of them ending up together is:

Lloyd: What do you think the chances are of a guy like you and a girl like me.. ending up together?

Mary: Well, Lloyd, that's difficult to say.. I mean, we dont really..

Lloyd: Hit me with it! Just give it to me straight! I came a really long way just to see you, Mary. The least you can do is level with me. What are my chances?

Mary: Not good.

Lloyd: You mean.. not good like.. one out of a hundred?

Mary: ... I'd say more like one out of a million ....

Lloyd: .... .......... ....... So you're telling me there's a chance.... (!?!) YEAH!!!!

No really, not to make jokes, but it is really hard not to focus on the fact that there is a chance. I think the chance of the down syndrome on top of the chance of cystic fibrosis on top of the chance we had of losing the baby due to my subchorrionic hemorrhage is just.. really overwhelming.

I went into work today and ended up leaving early because I was really upset, crying, and wasn't able to focus on anything other than everything that is going on.

So with our news yesterday, we decided to go through with the cystic fibrosis testing. Morgan will be going in this afternoon to have his blood drawn and we will know in a week or so. I go back August 16th for further testing regarding the risk for down syndrome. I have quite awhile to wait before that happens. It's going to be a long three weeks.

At this point, all we can do is keep calm, and carry on. What will be, will be; but that still doesn't make it easy.

13 weeks preggo.

I feel like I have a little more to update this week than last. So, I mentioned in my last post that it turned out that I was a carrier for CF and we were going to have Morgan tested. Well, he went to his appointment and of course, it's not covered by insurance. So, we came to the conclusion of just not going through with the testing. On Friday, Morgan's parents graciously offered to pay for the testing so that we could find peace of mind with the whole situation. I am still 50/50 on it, possibly leaning more towards not finding out. I feel like I have semi come to terms with our baby having the chance of having CF. However, Morgan's friend, his wife has CF and they suggested that we find out. While finding out now isn't going to change anything for the baby we have brewing in the belly, it may change things for the future when we think about having more kids. If Morgan is a CF carrier, we may rethink having additional kids. I think that since the test is graciously being paid for, we may as well take advantage of it. If it turns out that Morgan is a carrier, we can research more on CF, educate ourselves a little more and prepare as much as possible for what may be. And if he is not, we breathe a sigh of relief.

We had our nuchal translucency test on Friday. I do have to admit that I was pretty nervous going into it. We were referred out to a special testing office that would do all the testing for us. We got in the room and they got right to work. They put the thing on my abdomen and I saw the baby up on the screen (they had a TV on the wall for you to see what was going on) immediately.. and at first I did not see any movement and of course, got nervous. But, all of sudden, we both saw these arms just moving all around, the head moving up and down and the legs kicking back and forth. It was absolutely amazing and both Morgan and I sat there with our bottom jaw to the ground. The nurse was asking questions and I couldn't even answer because I was simply so amazed by what I saw on the screen. I thought that seeing a little heartbeat at 6.4 weeks was exciting - this was just amazing. For the first time, we saw what actually looked like a baby and saw movement and could actually tell what the movement was (ie: arm, leg or head movement). I think we were both shocked and weren't expecting what we saw.

The doc came in after the sonographer finished and she said that everything looked great! I asked what the measurement was and she said it was 1.1, which, from my research, seems really good (however, now I am wondering if it measured too small for 13 weeks?). Either way, they drew blood and will come up with actual risk ratio and call me on Tuesday with the results. They do a combination of measurements, my age and my blood results. If I remember correctly, she said the baby measured in at about 6.7cm (ultrasound said 7.3 so I am not sure what to believe) and if I remember correctly, the heartbeat was around 158.

We received more great news from my appointment; the doctor said that she could not find my subchorionic hemorrhage!! This is great news. With the massive amounts of brown blood I was passing, I was hopeful that it meant that my clot was resolving itself, but it looks like it did! I am not 100% sure that it is gone, but the fact that she did not see one and they look for any kind of abnormalities on the ultrasound, I think we are in the green :) This is a huge sigh of relief for us.

Up until Friday, I was having a pretty hard time accepting the pregnancy as real and that the baby really was going to come. I also struggled with connecting with the baby growing inside of me because I was so afraid that we were going to lose it that I was constantly preparing myself for the worst. However, when we saw that little bean moving around like crazy, I found myself immediately protective of this little human developing. I have this new found sense of excitement about the baby and it all seems a lot more real to me that we will be mom and dad to more than 4 fur kids in about 6 months time! I can't wait until my next ultrasound appointment. Also, can't wait until we hear the heartbeat for the first time since we haven't been able to do that yet!

What is great is this perfect timing. Today is my 29th birthday and it is also my milestone of making it to the 2nd trimester! What a great birthday present that is.

Also, above are the two pictures from the ultrasound on Friday. The first one is belly down (how the baby was laying throughout the ultrasound) and you can see the little legs and possibly an arm (and what a belly!). The second picture is a shot front-on of the face (head to the right). It looks very alien-like, my, what a huge forehead you have! If you turn your head to the right you can make it out a little better.

See you next week.

xo, mommy to be.

12 weeks preggo.

Like I stated in my last blog, I didnt think that there would be much to update about this week. This last week was pretty uneventful. We've been getting ready to move next month and I am finishing up the semester. Next week is my last week at school so it is crunch time. I will only have 3 classes left after this semester.

I think that I am starting to pop a little bit and am showing. In the morning, I feel like I am showing a lot less than I do in the evenings. My clothes are a lot tighter right before bed than in the morning! I think a lot of it is bloat, but its a pretty crazy difference.

I had my labwork done at my last appointment and it's been a little over a week since it was done. I was so sure that everything mustve been fine. Well, today I got a call from the clinic and they wanted me to return their call. So, it turns out that I am a carrier for cystic fibrosis which can be passed on to the baby. So, from here, Morgan has to be tested to see if he is a carrier. If it turns out he is a carrier, then our baby has a 1 in 4 chance of having cystic fibrosis which would be the worst case scenario. If he is not a carrier, we do not have to worry about the baby getting it. From what I read, it breaks down like this if Morgan is indeed a carrier:

- 1 in 4 chance of baby having cystic fibrosis

- 1 in 4 chance of baby not having cystic fibrosis and not being a carrier

- 2 in 4 chance of baby being a carrier of cystic fibrosis but wouldnt have it (like me)

I spent a good 45 minutes crying in my office today when they called and while I am still struggling to deal with the news, I will love our baby all the same and it is out of my hands at this point. I just need to keep on trucking.

So, Morgan goes tomorrow to get his lab work done. We probably won't know until towards the end of the week. We also have our 13 week scan this Friday which is our down syndrome test.

So, hopefully next time I write I will have good news both from Morgan's labwork and our ultrasound.

Till then,

See you next week,

xo mommy to be.

11 weeks preggo.

I guess technically I am in my 12th week, but I am 11 weeks pregnant, if that makes any sense. Two weeks from today and I will be in my second trimester (and also my 29th birthday!). This week, baby should be the size of a plum, or about 2.5 inches.

Things were pretty good this week. I had a rough patch where I was really emotional on Monday evening and on Tuesday but felt a million times better on Wednesday. All day Tuesday I was left feeling that there was no way I could go the next 6 months feeling this way and was hoping that it wasn't a new stage of pregnancy that I was reaching. I did spot brown all week and still am a little bit, but trying not to worry about and am keeping my fingers crossed that it means my sch is resolving. I have an ultrasound on July 23 for my NT scan and other measurements. It will be what is supposed to be my first ultrasound but due to my ER visits and bleeding, it will actually be my 5th!

I had my routine check-up with the midwives on Friday. They did my physical and pap. The pap was painful, moreso than pre-pregnancy, but not too bad. It may also just be relative to the fact that I haven't had menstrual cramps in a couple months so the pain tolerance goes down! The appointment went well until they went to check the heartbeat with the doppler. I was really hoping to be able to hear it because everyone says that it will be a lot more real for you once you hear that little racing heartbeat. Well, they couldn't find it through the doppler after about 10 minutes. She said she wanted to do an ultrasound just to make sure everything was okay since she couldn't find the baby. So, she brought in the ultrasound machine and put it on the belly, and sure enough, the peanut was there and moving like it was at a disco. She said that the baby was doing somersaults and asked if I could tell. To be honest, all I could see was a little white blob moving back and forth. The heartbeat was about 160-170, so still fairly high. She and the other midwife in the room said that they think they know what it is, asked if I wanted to know, of course I did, so they told me... but I am not going to share that news :) Obviously it's still early so it's really only like a 50/50 chance at this point, but, the fact that the both of them agreed, seems somewhat promising to me.

The last time I went to the midwife clinic I was a little disappointed with the midwife I had. So far, I have seen 4 midwives and have loved 3 of them. I guess 3/4 isn't bad. I am hopeful that I like the majority and end up with one that I like when they go to catch the baby.

As far as changes this week, I haven't noticed much other than having more frequent headaches (I think it's the lack of water I've had this weekend) and a little more dizzy than normal. And of course, as mentioned before, I've been having the brown spotting, which is new. I do think that my appetite is increasing and it takes more food for me to feel full than previously. Hopefully I don't start packing on the pounds! :)

As far as my appointment on the 23rd, I am thinking that if my sch hasn't resolved itself or is just increasing in size, I may ask if I should be referred to a perinatologist. Obviously I have my hopes and dreams of what my labor will be like, but the most important thing is for the baby to make it to that point. So, I suppose we will see what happens. I am hoping that we get the 3d/4d pictures at that scan, but I suppose we will see what happens!

Not too sure that there will be much to report next week (hoping it's not an eventful week, anyway), but I will be sure to update. Hopefully I will have some great pictures in 2 weeks after my appointment.

See you next week.

xo, mommy to be.

10 weeks preggo: the emotions.

I've been spotting brown since Saturday. My back really hurts and I am starting to cramp. I just really wish I could have a "normal" pregnancy. Every single time I go to the bathroom I freak out and think "this is it, I am going to be bleeding heavily."

I had a dream last night we had a baby girl. She came out with black hair and was like 6 months old at birth. That's the second dream I've had. Last time, the baby came out and was able to walk and was a boy.

The emotions are definitely starting. I feel SO emotional. I just want to cry at everything. I am very homesick and would give anything to be near family right now. It's lonely being 800 miles away from the nearest family.

Signing off so I can get some shut eye and clear my thoughts.

10 weeks preggo.

Well, tomorrow marks the quarter mile mark. It's pretty crazy to think that tomorrow is 10 weeks already. This means the baby should be about an inch and a half. Pretty crazy; seems like just yesterday my phone said the baby was the size of a poppyseed.

Thus far, the pregnancy has been pretty eventful. While I haven't had many of the typical pregnancy symptoms like puking my guts out, it has been stressful in other ways. Around 5w3d, I came home from work to find I had bled through my pants. We went to the emergency room so sure that it was short lived and we had lost the baby. They did a vaginal exam, blood work and an ultra sound. At the ultra sound, we saw the gestational sac, but that was it. We were hopeful that the baby was doing well. When driving home from the emergency room, we were starving and it was late, so we stopped at McDonalds. I got a happy meal, which came with a juice box, and since, Morgan gave the baby the name juice box and we go by JB for short.

At 6w4d, we went to my first appointment with the midwife. She did an ultrasound for peace of mind and the baby measured .64cm and we saw the heartbeat for the first time! She informed me at this time that I have a subchorionic hemorrhage, which puts me at slightly higher risk for miscarriage but that it was great to see the heartbeat. She wasn't able to tell how large the hemorrhage was at that point. At 8w6d, I woke up feeling like I had wet myself during my sleep, which ended up being blood. It was very scary. I sat crying the toilet with blood dripping into the toilet waiting to pass the baby as a clot. I woke up Morgan and we went to the emergency room. Long story short, they did another ultra sound and the baby's heart rate was 178 and Morgan thinks it was about 2.7cm! They informed me that my subchorionic hemorrhage (sch) was 4cm, which seemed alarming to them, and to us as well. However, we were pretty shocked and relieved that somehow little JB was still alive and trucking along.

I followed up with my midwife the next business day, had blood drawn and then again 72 hours later. It baffled me that they were going to do blood this late in the game, but I did as I was told. My levels were where they should be, or where they would expect them to be.

It's been a week now since I had my last bleeding episode. Anytime I feel any sort of wetness, I am sure that it blood and get so nervous. I am really worried about my sch and hope that it just goes away on its own. I have read one too many horror stories of miscarriages and preterm labor being caused by the sch. It's very stressful but worrying isn't going to do anything for us. One day at a time. I feel very lucky to be 10 weeks with having the two heavy bleeding episodes so early on. I've been trying to educate myself on sch but I think all it does is make me worried, nervous and scared, so I've stopped.

Although I haven't gained any significant weight yet (maybe .5 pounds), my pants are starting to get tighter and I've resorted to closing most of my pants with a hair tie. It works wonders. My pants fit everywhere except where they button.. we'll see how long that lasts!!

Today we bought our first item for the baby. I've had my eye on a bedding set from Target and we went there today and saw that it was on clearance! I had to buy it. I guess you can't really pass up a bedding set for $45. I'm super excited about it.. I'm starting to visualize the nursery :) We have a crib and dresser picked out as well, but will hold off on that until we're further along (and have the money!). It's really stressful when you think of all the things that you need/want to buy for the baby. We were driving today and Morgan asked what big items we will need. I started off by listing off like 4, and then I kept thinking of other things we'll need, too! We'll get there.

So far, I haven't really had any cravings. In fact, I think I craved more foods pre-pregnant than I do now. I don't have a huge appetite, but get hungry more frequently than I did before. I think I eat smaller meals, but more often. This is probably a good thing for both me and JB.

From here on out, I am going to try to update once a week, see how my week went, what changes and observations I've made, etc. It will be excellent to go back and read how I felt awesome and could fit into my clothes when I feel miserable and can't even fit into a moo moo anymore.

See you next week.

xo, mommy to be.