Four Months

Dear Lachlan,

About a year ago, we found out some news that was going to change our lives forever. Little did we know how great that change we be. On May 22, 2010, we found out that we had an addition to our family. I remember some of my initial thoughts that included excitement, anxiety, fear and an instant connection. We had a rough road for the first little while so while that made it harder to connect with you while you were growing, but there was an instant connection and bond that existed for me. Now, we're at the end of May and that little blur on the ultrasound measuring .64cm long at 5 weeks gestation is now close to 25 inches long and 4 months old!

We've had some big changes this month! One of the biggest was we broke your swaddle. Every morning when we'd come in to tend to your growling belly, you'd have your arms completely out of the swaddle. One night, around 3.5 months, you fell asleep while getting your bottle and we decided to just put your to bed without it. We had been talking about stopping but didn't know when the time would be right. It just seemed right that night. So, you're on 2 weeks now with no swaddle. It is harder to get you to fall asleep at night but you're still doing a fairly good job of sleeping through the night. Sometimes you wake up around midnight but after a short rocking, you're fast asleep. You usually sleep from around 7:30/8:00 - 5:00/5:30. Sometimes we have to stand next to your crib for awhile with our hand on your belly so that you feel safe and secure. We bought you a "blankey" and you pull it up to your face and hold it while falling asleep. I figured holding a blankey would give you the security like being wrapped up like a burrito did. Sometimes I miss the swaddle but you were ready to let it go.

You've really discovered your hands and you are able to grab any and every thing now. Before, you went at things with a fist but you go at things with an open hand and usually pull whatever it is that you re holding, up to your mouth to suck on.. including our hands! You're still very keen on sucking your fingers, sometimes all 4 at once. You pull your paci out of your mouth and try to get it back in, usually without success. You've also discovered your feet and like to grab them and hold them. For some reason, you like to put your legs in a pike position and almost do a half v-up by lifting your stiff legs in the air.

We decided to switch your daycare due to some reason I'd rather not blast all over the Internet but first and foremost, we would like to have daycare closer to home. We found a new daycare that is only 7 blocks away and were able to avoid the wait list that they now have. We are really excited about the new daycare and hope that it works out well. It was a very emotional decision for me. I worry about you and people knowing you and what you like and dislike, how to help you when you re crying and how to get you to sleep. I worry that you won't transition well and you'll develop stranger anxiety and be scared to be left with people you don't know. I guess it is better to switch now that you are 4 months old rather than waiting until you are 6 months or 9 months when you know the difference. I really, really hope it works out. It will make me feel so much better leaving you.

I still struggle with leaving you and some mornings I just snuggle with you on the couch and wish time would stand still so I could hold you in my arms while you either stare at me or fall fast asleep. I still rush home with excitement to see your little face.

You go to the doctor on June 9 to get your 4 month vaccinations and your overall well baby visit. I am anxious to see how tall you are and how much you weigh. You're still a skinny little thing and you still fit into pants that are 0-3 months in the waist but they tend to be too short. You've outgrown some of your 0-3 month clothes and it looks like its time for me to pack up more clothes! I feel like I just packed up your newborn clothes a week ago! Time goes by too fast.

Part of the time I am back wishing that I could freeze time and keep you young and small. I do feel like time is going by too fast and we are going to look back and feel like it was forever ago since you were a little baby. However, I do love seeing you grow and develop and get excited for the next new thing. I ordered your high chair last night and it made me sad to think that you're that big of a boy now. We will probably start some cereal before the next time I post at 5 months. I have mixed feelings about starting the cereal now or waiting until you're older. However, we will likely start some solids once we get the OK at your well baby visit. I am excited to start experimenting with foods when I start making your food. I hope that is one thing that I really do stick with because I think it would be best for you. It might just come down to whether or not I have time with working full time and going to school on top of being the best mommy I can be.

You've really started talking (or cooing!) and sometimes it sounds like you're saying words although we know you're not. It's just funny when we ask you a question and we get a "yea" response. You're starting to enjoy tummy time a little more than before but end up rolling over to your back within a couple minutes. I am excited that you tolerate it a little more and don't just put your head down and cry anymore. Sometimes when you're laying on your back, you get really excited and roll from side to side leaving me excited that you're going to roll over on your tummy. You still have to roll from back to front but it will be an exciting time when you do! I think I am okay with you being immobile while being on your back :)

You're still going to the chiropractor but are up to only going once a month. You're doing pretty well with the crankiness and only really get cranky if you're tired, lonely and want to be held, or are constipated.

I still feel like the luckiest mommy ever to have you as my son. I look at everything in a different way now that I have you as my son. The happy times in life are happier and the sad times in life aren't as sad. Its so nice to have another great reason to be alive and living a great life. You're turning into such a special guy, I can't wait to see what the next month of life brings. I feel so blessed.

xo,

Mommy