Hard to believe that I am now 39 weeks and 3 days pregnant. I am definitely starting to reach the anxious stage and believing that I am going to be pregnant forever. I feel like at this point I have convinced myself that I will never have this baby so I am less prepared now than I was before.
I had two nights this last week where I woke up with painful contractions lasting about 5-6 hours at 3 minutes apart. Both nights I thought "this is it" but obviously it wasn't. Both nights the contractions were worse while laying down and would go away a little bit when I would stand up and walk around. I was just waiting for the moment where I couldn't talk through them or walk through them before going in to the hospital. But, I never reached that point. I had decided that I should just take maternity leave early because I figured a) labor was coming soon and b) I became so unreliable at work with calling in all the time. But, on Wednesday night started to doubt my decision and wondered if I would regret my decision if he decided to come late and I missed out on a couple weeks with him. So, Thursday morning I went back to work. I am glad I went back since he is not here yet. I'll be the first to admit that it is a struggle to work at this point in pregnancy, but it is what it is!
I've been struggling with a bad cold this last week. It is finally starting to fade away. I was worried that I would be trying to have a baby while not being able to swallow or breathe through my nose.
At my appointment on Friday I asked to be checked because I was so sure that after two nights of horrible contractions, I would've made some promising progress. What a let down. She said that I was the same as far as dilation and had gone from 60 to 70% effaced. I thought for sure I would be at least a 3. But, I just need to remember that dilation and effacement are not predictors of labor.. just disappointing to go through all that with no progress, it is discouraging and makes me doubt that my body is going to labor correctly. She swept my membranes to try to help ripen my cervix. We'll see if it was successful at my next appointment. I hear mixed outcomes.
I've definitely become pretty pessimistic over the last week or two. I hate feeling this way but it is hard to keep my chin up at this point in the game.
I am anxious, nervous and excited to meet our son. I am feeling the same way towards labor as well. I am also anxious, nervous, excited and sad to not be pregnant anymore. I worry that I am going to struggle with not having him inside me anymore and miss that connection and bond that only he and I share. I worry about the first few nights. I worry about how good or bad of a mother I will be. I worry about failing at breast feeding. I worry about being able to bond with him. I worry about his health. I worry about my own health. I worry about Morgan's happiness once there is an addition to our lives. I worry about my body post baby. I have so many thoughts and feelings going through my mind these days and feel like I am struggling with a lot. But, I think and hope that this is all normal.
Kind of a negative post tonight but I don't think I am the first woman to be a couple days away from giving birth and not feeling frustrated, nervous and anxious.
Guess we will see what happens over the next week. I hope to not have a "40 weeks preggo" post next Sunday as that will mean I am 2 days overdue! :) Could happen tonight, could happen 2 weeks from now.
See you next week?
xo, mommy to be.